Telenovelas Are Hell: Rubí


– [Narrator] Are you
ready to get traumatized? Well I’ve got just the thing for you, a Mexican telenovela by the name of Rubi. (enchanting music) Rubi has more gross horny people, more car crashes, more people falling off bridges, and more suffering abuelitas than anything you’ll ever see. And if you’re wondering why so many terrible things happen in this telenovela, well the answer is that telenovelas are hell. (water splashing) (Spanish folk music) (whooshing) Rubi is story of a girl
who is extremely fine, but also extremely… an evil piece of shit. Rubi only cares one thing in life, money and penis, so she’ll do whatever it takes to marry the richest dick in the land. Rubi is dating Alejandro, a medical student with a chest so hairy, it looks like he has a chinchilla hanging from his neck. Rubi thinks Alejandro is wealthy, until one day he buys her a house that doesn’t have a swimming pool. So she breaks up with him for not being rich enough, and starts looking for a new man. (smacking) She could choose from thousands of guys, but being the snake that she is, she decides to screw over her best friend, a kind girl with a
disability that causes her to drag her leg and constantly fall. (water splashing) Rubi seduces her fiance, Hector, by trying on sexy outfits
for him at the mall, which we know is a guaranteed way to a man’s heart. Hector and his six-pack are really conflicted about what to do, but because this is a telenovella, he does the most horrible thing you could do to any human. He stands up his bride at the altar and runs away with Rubi. While Rubi’s friend drags herself around her room in complete misery, the happy couple gets married by a man that looks like a Latin Uncle Fester, and they have sex pretty much everywhere. Meanwhile, Rubi’s ex
hears about the marriage and gets so sweaty and mad that he breaks a glass with his bare hands. Rubi finally gets the house with the swimming pool she so wanted, and things seem to be going great for her, which is the perfect time for the telenovella gods to take a huge crap on everyone. Out of nowhere, Rubi’s
husband’s back starts to hurt, and he can’t go to parties with her, which is obviously unacceptable, so she goes crazy. To add to her rage, Rubi finds out that her ex-boyfriend is now a super rich doctor and is engaged to someone hot. (people gasping) So she does what any
normal person would do, physically attacks his new fiance and causes her to fall through a glass bridge and die.
(Thudding) Alejandro is devastated about the death of his bride-to-be for all of five seconds. But then he cheers up by having sex with Rubi and getting her pregnant. Rubi’s still-husband Hector, finds out that she’s pregnant with another man’s baby. He could simple divorce her, but of course that
wouldn’t be rotten enough, so he pulls a gun on her and locks her in her bedroom like a prisoner, which sucks ’cause there’s no swimming pool in there. To add to the chaos, Rubi’s mom hears about all the drama, has a stroke, and dies. Oh, and Alejandro gets poisoned. But let’s get back to the real drama. Rubi runs away from her psycho husband, gets run over by a car, and loses the baby. And, of course, her husband one-ups her by crashing his car and dying. Okay, now shit is really bad for Rubi. She has no husband, no baby, and no money because she’s lost it all in the stock market. She attempts to get her hot doctor ex back, except, get this, he’s engaged to marry her friend with the bad leg. She begs him to get
back together with her, and he’s like, hell no, bitch, you’re crazy. Now she’s really pissed. And while in a rage, she falls off the 20th floor, and crashes through glass. The fall doesn’t kill her, that would be too happy. She wakes up in a hospital room with an amputated leg and a deformed face. Dressed in rags like a crazy witch, Rubi forever disappears into a cave to live out the rest of
her shitty existence, while Alejandro and his lovely bride get married. And everyone lives happily ever after. Just kidding. That doesn’t happen in televovellas. 20 years pass and a decrepit Rubi convinces her niece, who is also played by Rubi, to seduce Alejandro and ruin his life. The end.

96 Replies to “Telenovelas Are Hell: Rubí

  1. Oh god the memories are coming back with this one…all the telenovelas I had to watch as a kid because my grandmother and aunts were crazy over them.

  2. I remember 10 years ago when I was watching it, it was so weird because she was en evil protagonist. And all the telenovelas I watched until then, the protagonists were kind. I hated Rubi so much!! Still hate her

  3. Hol' up… 3:40 the Dow is only down 59 basis points and she lost all her money?? Is there more too it or did the writers not care about accuracy? (Yes, that is the strangest thing to me in this)

  4. I could have watched this telenovelas on TV, in Spanish which is my birth language, but here I am watching instead an English resume of them🤷‍♀️

  5. 💀🤣🤣🤣This lady is funny I can't stop laughing. why am I discovering this channel now? I grew up enjoying this telenovela with my mom. I can see how dramatic they are now 🙆🏽‍♀️

  6. You know, for being "horribly disfigured", Rubi's looking pretty good. I was expecting like Harvey Dent level scarring; she just looks like she's got a bad complexion.

  7. Are we just gonna ignore the fact that she fell 20 stories and survived while someone fell from a one story bridge and died?

  8. Telenovela Rubí was the best. It kept you on the edge of your seat from the 1st capítulo to the last. Never a dull moment.
    Rubí was the epitome of Jezebel.
    Rubí, tan bella como pervesa.

  9. I guess I used to watch way too many telenovelas, because I know all the back stories. In real life, Barbari Mori is originally from Uruguay and a quarter Japanese. She hooked up with Sergio Mayer, a singer/dancer from the Mexican group Garibaldi and they had a baby boy. (The baby boy grew up to be a handsome young man, and he was still a teenager when he got a Brazilian model/actress pregnant. Thus, turning poor Barbara Mori into a grandmother when she was still in her 30"s!) Jaqueline Bracamontes is the daughter of Jesus Bracamontes, the former coach for the Chivas Rayadas de Guadalajara, a famous Mexican soccer team. She was also Miss Mexico and a Miss Universe contestant.

  10. Rubi loved Alejandro; she signed away her fortune because Hector threatened to kill Alejandro. She never told Alejandro; at the end, she truly only cared for Alejandro. I wanted for Rubi to be happy, but, novelas are hell for sure.

  11. I mean, technically, she only cares about money, not penis. If she cared about penis, she would have married Alejandro from the beginning, seeing how she loved him.

  12. Before Katherine Pierce, Jade West, Regina George, Allison DiLaurentis and Cheryl Blossom, there was the one and only biatch queen RUBI.

  13. Rubi's friend name is Maribel. 😂

    My name is Maribel and my sister's name is Rubi….

    Figure it out. 😂

  14. A lot of this info is inaccurate or out of order. Alejandro did not buy that house for Rubi, he showed Rubi his house and it proved he wasn't rich. Rubi didn't care that Hector didn't party with her as miuch as she cared about the fact he didn't want her throwing so many parties in the first place. Rubi got hit by a car and lost her baby because she was trying to save her niece Fernanda, not because she was running from Hector. And her mom dies before a lot of this happens. Her mom dies three years before she gets pregnant and Hector traps her in her room. She died after a stressful argument with Rubi.

  15. "Rubi has no money because she lost it all in the stock market."

    That sign showed the Dow Jones to be down 0.59%. What did she invest that she has no money left? $20?

  16. Damn, I thought the K-Dramas and Japanese movies I watched had drama, but these telenovelas really amp it up! Thanks for the videos!

  17. Still don’t understand what happened betwen the 80’s and now and how how people think Mexicans are NOT white CUZ I am looking at one sexy ass blonde one right here who literally could submit a DNA application to be part of the Aryan race and get it no problem ! 👱🏻‍♂️

  18. I could never finish this telenovela (too impatient for the pace). So thank you for this summary. I almost wanna pick it back up. Almost.

  19. as much this telenovela is dark, this is very fucking funny because we (filipinos) loved "dramatic relationships".

  20. Me : mom I rarely seen white folks drama before that are so intense.

    Mom : son they're mexican

    Literally nobody :
    Me :
    My cat :
    My dog :

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *