You know I adore Japan and I’m trying to learn Japanese right now. Of course, when I say “right now,” I’ve been trying for 10 years and I’ve made no progress. Really my Japanese has stayed at the ‘anime’ level. “What?” “Great!” “What is this?” “So cute!” “How?” Needless to say, it’s not too useful when I’m in Japan. Welcome. “What?” What? “Multi Shadow Clone Jutsu!” “Did you know that in Japan, the death penalty is still in effect?” “May the dragon burn you!” “Okay, I’m calling the cops.” Even in school I wasn’t that great with languages; and it didn’t help that I, of my own accord, chose German. No comment. Already, it’s impossible to learn. Yeah, not possible at all. Then, compared to English, it’s not the most useful language, don’t kid yourself. When I chose German, what exactly was my perception of the world? The United States? Nah, I don’t think so… it’s just not for me. Germany, however… I’m telling you; in ten years, the whole world will be speaking German! I told you I put money aside, remember? I invested it all. Nokia. This, yeah… But shh, don’t tell anybody. The classes were horrible, I didn’t understand anything. but there is something worse: Bilinguals. In high school, I had an American friend. I don’t know how he was able to put up with English classes. It must have been horrible. English classes as seen by bilinguals. Here is today’s exercise! You have one hour. Psst…psst Can you help me? It’s the other hole… No, I can’t do it, it’s too hard. No, it’s the hole right next to it. There you go. “Good, Cyprien!” “Very good,” let’s clap for Cyprien! Damn, I’m so bilingual! Jason, clap for your classmate! I did the square! “I want to die… please.” It was only after highschool that I started to take English seriously. For work, travel… it’s crucial. Unlike German…*cough* I’ve found that English is generally simple to learn. I even sympathize with foreigners who want to learn French. The guys who created French and English clearly didn’t start with the same vision. English? Sorry, two seconds, please… How did you go about conjugating the verb ‘be’? Well it’s ”I am” and then it’s the same thing really. You are, we are, they are. Normal, you know. Oh. I didn’t do that at all. I had a different idea. First of all it’s “Je suis.” So, “Nous suissons”? “Nous sommes.” “Vous sommez,” then? “Vous êtes.” “Ils…êtent?” “Ils sont.” “Sont,” S-O-N? T. But the T in ‘sont’ is silent. So do you say ‘un’ (masculine) or ‘une’ (feminine) sofa? Wait what? You’ve given objects genders? Yeah you’re right, why did I do that (ça)? “Ça…” S-A? No, C-A. So you pronounce it “ca.” No no, it’s pronounced “sa.” I’ve given the C little balls. Little ones. Little balls?! I feel like you’re judging me, English. So yes, I chose German as a foreign language, I don’t really get why. But worse still are the ones who choose to learn a language that doesn’t exist anymore, the people who choose to learn Latin. It is a DEAD language, that already kind of gives away the utility of learning that language. And you have to stay longer after class. What’s the only reason for learning Latin? “It will help you learn another language more easily.” How about taking the time it takes to learn Latin, to actually learn another language?! “May the dragon burn you!” Sorry, but I don’t see even a single situation where Latin would help you. We’ve been trapped in this tomb for 2 days, we’re going to die in here! Wait, wait, I think there’s an inscription here to open the door! What? Yeah, it looks like Latin! YES! I took 3 years of Latin in middle school. It’s Greek. What? It’s Greek. Fuck! Why did you take Latin?! I don’t know, I panicked! Well great, we’re going to die because of you! I took German also. WHYYY?! I DON’T KNOW!! When I express myself in different languages, I’ve noticed I have a scale of struggle. The more I struggle, the more I use my hands. Struggle level 1: Clearly we are not taking into account the Congolexicomatization of market laws, and with the laws in force, well at some point we really have to wake up… Struggle level 2: “Excuse me, do you know the…I want to go to the beach.” “Do you know the way to the…to the beach?” “This way? Okay, thank you.” Struggle level 1000: E-e-eat…mmm! Uh…tabemasu? Tabemasu! Ramen? Uh…lamen, lamen! With…eggs! Tamago, tamago! Here. Uh…”may the dragon burn you!” Anyway, there’s something I can’t stand when you learn a language: The guys that give you a hard time because you mess up a little while speaking. “He said ‘la (feminine) sofa’ instead of ‘le (masculine) sofa.’ How embarassing!” Kill yourselves! It’s guys who can only speak one language who make those kinds of remarks. You’re slowing the efforts of people who are trying to learn another language. Put sea urchins in your underwear! No joke, no joke. It was just…that had to come out. To learn Japanese, I went to YouTube. Great site, by the way. I found plenty of people teaching their language, it’s super useful. At the same time, I came across other videos that totally discouraged me. “How I learned 5 languages” “How I learned to speak 6 languages” “How I learned to speak 7 languages” How far is this going to go?! Common point of all these Youtubers: None of them speak Latin. I still make mistakes in French and they speak what, 9 languages? So to reassure myself I told myself they must look like geeks, with glasses, unkempt, who spend their lives in their books. I speak English, Japanese, Dutch, Russian, French, I’m working towards Mandarin Chinese He’s hot, muscular, AND he speaks 9 languages?! I fucking suck! I’d never get there, never! “Upon waking from a coma, an Australian speaks fluent Mandarin.” Victim of a serious traffic accident, a 21-year-old Australian woke up from a coma speaking fluent Mandarin. That’s what I’ll do! Sir! Sir! Sir, are you okay? Sir! Sir, you were just in an accident, are you okay? “I’m okay?” I don’t understand what you’re saying. “I speak Japanese?” What language is that? “What?!” “I’m speaking Latin?!” NOOOOOO!!!! “I’m sorry, but German is the most spoken language in Europe.” I know, it was a joke. “Latin is also about learning culture and etymology…” I KNOW, it was a joke. “Also, the teachers…” I KNOW, IT WAS A JOKE! Subscribe!